Strength... Beauty... Pursuit... Invitation... Romance... Love...
Sexuality...
It is a symbol of the most beautiful of romance that God designed, the final touch of Creation. The love of a man and woman fully given to each other for the rest of their days. The full image of God. Something so intimate that it bears its fullest goodness in a close whisper between two, a lover and a beloved. The closeness. The emotion. The intimacy... The Lord even dedicated an entire book of the Bible to the celebration of its existence between two in the deepest love. Something that God had thoroughly crafted, with great time and detail... and then declared good.
It's no wonder that over great time, it has been the target of such vicious assault, and what was once the greatest beauty... has become so marred, almost beyond recognition.
This past week, we entered into the place of sexuality. Original design, the deep goodness of it, and the raging defilement of it by the Enemy. One thing I've experienced in my years, is that it is often a place where very few will venture, almost a Shadowlands of the soul. To be honest, several of the young men here were incredibly fearful, almost to the point where they refused to move forward into it because of the fear of what they might find there. Of the deep shame they might find that had been so deeply buried for so long from some great wounding in the past. I'll describe what it was like for us to enter in to each young man's past -the wounds of deep brokenness brought against many of them- so that you will truly feel what each young man must go through, what we must guide them into, the battles they must fight, so that they become whole, strong men who offer what they were made to be.
Imagine a cave, wide and deep in its berth yet is void of light in only a few steps. Mist, or fog really, that seems to bring the coldness directly to one's bones. Dark, dangerous, where it feels as if the ranks of evil dwell, and seem to greatly outnumber anything that is good. Alone. Or at least, for so many, it feels that way. It brings the same feeling that comes when... say you're alone in the house, and the time comes that night when you turn out the lights and begin to head to bed. In that moment, where you're heading down the toward the bedroom, enveloped by the dark hallway, to your sides and to your back. What is that feeling of fear that comes in that moment? Most people I've met feel it in that moment, almost the impulse to dash into the lighted room before whatever may be there behind you (but never is) grabs you at the last moment and pulls you back into the darkness. Imagine this feeling in that place. In this dark place, where hardly any enter, that is the image. What began as the most beautiful of things, has been brought to this by the assault of the Enemy.
I hope I'm not startling or scaring you with these images, for I'm only trying to help you truly understand the feeling of what it is for these young men to enter into this place, which is so often assaulted, whether by abuse, pornography, deception, betrayl, etc. This place, where so many young men need to be guided, where there seem to be few to no guides to take them there. But with Christ, this is one of the deepest of truths...
To find deep, restorative healing for significant wounding... you must enter back in to those places. You cannot receive healing from a distance... you must enter in, and invite Christ into that place.
What we guided these young men through, and what a beautiful piece it became, was to bring them back into those places, under the guarding of Christ... letting them feel the full weight of the wounding and messages they received, and allow them to receive the healing touch of Christ in those areas, to hear the new words that Christ spoke over them regarding everything in that dark place. And it was beautiful. The only way for light to shine in the dark places, is for one to go back in, however dangerous, with companions and a guide... and bring light with him.
What happens here is incredible...
Friday, July 18, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
A Holy Longing
Something snuck up behind me today.
It was strange...
Love...
I suppose it was really the desire for it that really did the sneaking. To be honest, from before I even came back out here -since August of last year- I placed aside the pursuit of it during my time here. An intentional disengagement, if you will. Put simply, to leave the pursuit of a woman's heart for another season.
I was visiting a man who has been a father figure to me, and his wife, up in Littleton today at the church they're plugged into. Not large, only about 30 people. It was great to see them, and I had planned simply to enjoy the service and their company. And then, there she was.
Some people have asked me what my "type" is, and my response usually goes something like this: I don't really have a type. What ends up happening is I'll meet, or even just see, someone and (snaps) something's there. Some switch'll flip. It's almost independent of me.
And so there she was. She was a beautiful girl, but it was something beyond that. She sang really sweet. It wasn't simply beauty, though that was definately there. It wasn't just her eyes and the way they seemed to capture me when our eyes met continuously during the sermon. Or the way her smile brought out the warmth it did from my heart as she did when we finally met. There was something about her in that she filled the room with such a sweet presence. Now, long story short, we talked for a few minutes, laughed over stories, and then we left (the folks I came to visit and I). I have no idea what will come of anything with it. I met her once today and that was it. I probably won't see her again for months, if ever again. I only know what I felt in those moments with her. What I am very aware of now is what it called out of me. I found myself following thoughts of pursuing her, thinking about where that might lead. The time I might spend with her, the stories and laughs, the pain and tears, the thought of lives shared. The thought of truly enjoying the pursuit of her heart.
The truth is, I know I can't ignore desire. It's there. To love a women well and to be known in the deep places and loved by her. It's definately one of my heart's deepest places of desire. And I don't ignore it. But honestly, I find that I am often not giving myself permission to engage it. To sit with it burning full flame, just feeling it. I find myself asking, What does it look like to sit with desire intensely burning and be content? For me, what I feel left with is a longing. But a longing is different, or at least feels different. A longing feels like a desire embraced by the heart over the currents of time. There is something about it that feels noble. Holy, even.
So my heart wonders why I should meet this girl in a church of 30 people, most of whom were older folks. And why I should happen to be simply captured by the sweetness of her voice and eyes, her presence and laughter? And most of all, the question of what purpose could this desire have had for sneaking up on me in full force? The desire was so potent that I was honestly one step away from leaving my decision to "fast" from romantic pursuit for my year here in the dust. It is so powerful, the desire.
I find myself asking more questions of contentment and where I should let my heart settle. I do love this teaching that John gave on it, though, from his book The Sacred Romance.
"The whole life of the good Christian," said Augustine, is a holy longing.”
Sadly, many of us have been led to feel that somehow we ought to want less, not more. We have this sense that we should atone for our longings, apologize that we feel such deep desire. Shouldn’t we be more content? Perhaps, but contentment is never wanting less; that’s the easy way out. Anybody can look holy if they've killed their heart; the real test is to have your heart burning within you and have the patience to enjoy what there is now to enjoy, while waiting with eager anticipation for the feast to come... There may be times when all we have to go on is a sense of duty. But in the end, if that is all we have, we will never make it."
I'd say for myself, desire is one of the sweetest things of the soul. To sit with it and feel the full weight of it on your heart, and learning to enjoy it... is a sweet nectar.
It was strange...
Love...
I suppose it was really the desire for it that really did the sneaking. To be honest, from before I even came back out here -since August of last year- I placed aside the pursuit of it during my time here. An intentional disengagement, if you will. Put simply, to leave the pursuit of a woman's heart for another season.
I was visiting a man who has been a father figure to me, and his wife, up in Littleton today at the church they're plugged into. Not large, only about 30 people. It was great to see them, and I had planned simply to enjoy the service and their company. And then, there she was.
Some people have asked me what my "type" is, and my response usually goes something like this: I don't really have a type. What ends up happening is I'll meet, or even just see, someone and (snaps) something's there. Some switch'll flip. It's almost independent of me.
And so there she was. She was a beautiful girl, but it was something beyond that. She sang really sweet. It wasn't simply beauty, though that was definately there. It wasn't just her eyes and the way they seemed to capture me when our eyes met continuously during the sermon. Or the way her smile brought out the warmth it did from my heart as she did when we finally met. There was something about her in that she filled the room with such a sweet presence. Now, long story short, we talked for a few minutes, laughed over stories, and then we left (the folks I came to visit and I). I have no idea what will come of anything with it. I met her once today and that was it. I probably won't see her again for months, if ever again. I only know what I felt in those moments with her. What I am very aware of now is what it called out of me. I found myself following thoughts of pursuing her, thinking about where that might lead. The time I might spend with her, the stories and laughs, the pain and tears, the thought of lives shared. The thought of truly enjoying the pursuit of her heart.
The truth is, I know I can't ignore desire. It's there. To love a women well and to be known in the deep places and loved by her. It's definately one of my heart's deepest places of desire. And I don't ignore it. But honestly, I find that I am often not giving myself permission to engage it. To sit with it burning full flame, just feeling it. I find myself asking, What does it look like to sit with desire intensely burning and be content? For me, what I feel left with is a longing. But a longing is different, or at least feels different. A longing feels like a desire embraced by the heart over the currents of time. There is something about it that feels noble. Holy, even.
So my heart wonders why I should meet this girl in a church of 30 people, most of whom were older folks. And why I should happen to be simply captured by the sweetness of her voice and eyes, her presence and laughter? And most of all, the question of what purpose could this desire have had for sneaking up on me in full force? The desire was so potent that I was honestly one step away from leaving my decision to "fast" from romantic pursuit for my year here in the dust. It is so powerful, the desire.
I find myself asking more questions of contentment and where I should let my heart settle. I do love this teaching that John gave on it, though, from his book The Sacred Romance.
"The whole life of the good Christian," said Augustine, is a holy longing.”
Sadly, many of us have been led to feel that somehow we ought to want less, not more. We have this sense that we should atone for our longings, apologize that we feel such deep desire. Shouldn’t we be more content? Perhaps, but contentment is never wanting less; that’s the easy way out. Anybody can look holy if they've killed their heart; the real test is to have your heart burning within you and have the patience to enjoy what there is now to enjoy, while waiting with eager anticipation for the feast to come... There may be times when all we have to go on is a sense of duty. But in the end, if that is all we have, we will never make it."
I'd say for myself, desire is one of the sweetest things of the soul. To sit with it and feel the full weight of it on your heart, and learning to enjoy it... is a sweet nectar.
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Weight Within A Story
Seeing mythically...
Upon first hearing these words, they sound strange. Or at least they did. When I read a book, watch a movie, or even in past years when I played a great deal of Role Playing Games, my heart really came alive. After years, I was able to put words to it. My heart craves stories. In the same way I crave food when hungry. Great stories. Stories that tell of a time when all was good, and perfect, until a betrayal... or an enemy emerges, threatening the safety and freedom of all... and then a hero, or a fellowship, must take a journey into the darkest areas of myth, to take siege and fiercely contend with the most dangerous of evils. All in hope that what was good might be restored. Why?
In almost every movie I see, or story I read, the things that my heart latches onto are the smaller things that almost seem to take place beneath the pace of the movie. The things that you will almost certainly miss by simply letting the movie play in front of you. They are the sort that you must almost look for. The lessons and desires that come when you engage the movie. I'll give you an example.
This past week, during Movie Night -where we gather the young men for a movie to begin to give them eyes to see mythically- we showed them Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. It's a really great movie, even from just an entertainment perspective, about an English naval captain and his crew of sailors who sail and battle for freedom during the Napoleonic Wars. The battle scenes, humor, and cinematography are all more than enough to make the two hours well spent. But there is so much more there. If you watch closely, you'll notice that the crew is made up of men of all ages, from young boys, young men, to old seasoned sailors. And there are many scenes where each man, no matter his age, is being trained by a man older than him. The young boys and young sailors are taught and trained by the older sailors, and as they grow in knowledge, they are given tasks that initiate them into their next level of service as sailors. They then begin to teach those younger than them as they continue to be taught by the older men. From the captain on down, this cycle continues down to the youngest on board. It is a timeless, and powerful way of raising boys to become men. They are cared for, taught, and pushed to pull their weight on board as they mature into men. This has such weight to it, and it is so easily missed in the wake of entertainment.
I began to be able to put words to what I was feeling when I started staying present with what rose in my heart when watching these movies. Movies like Braveheart, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Titanic, Cinderella Man -movies that were my favorites for so long, but that I couldn't pinpoint the deepest reasons why- ...they hold so many of the deepest desires of my heart within their chapters. Desires to be fathered, to feel a strong weight as a man, to battle as a man under a good king, to have a purpose and a place in a great story, to love a woman well and to be known, and loved, by her as well. It's all there, waiting to be found. Hidden beneath the surface.
My soul is so nourished by what I find in these stories when I look with the eyes of the heart.
Upon first hearing these words, they sound strange. Or at least they did. When I read a book, watch a movie, or even in past years when I played a great deal of Role Playing Games, my heart really came alive. After years, I was able to put words to it. My heart craves stories. In the same way I crave food when hungry. Great stories. Stories that tell of a time when all was good, and perfect, until a betrayal... or an enemy emerges, threatening the safety and freedom of all... and then a hero, or a fellowship, must take a journey into the darkest areas of myth, to take siege and fiercely contend with the most dangerous of evils. All in hope that what was good might be restored. Why?
In almost every movie I see, or story I read, the things that my heart latches onto are the smaller things that almost seem to take place beneath the pace of the movie. The things that you will almost certainly miss by simply letting the movie play in front of you. They are the sort that you must almost look for. The lessons and desires that come when you engage the movie. I'll give you an example.
This past week, during Movie Night -where we gather the young men for a movie to begin to give them eyes to see mythically- we showed them Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. It's a really great movie, even from just an entertainment perspective, about an English naval captain and his crew of sailors who sail and battle for freedom during the Napoleonic Wars. The battle scenes, humor, and cinematography are all more than enough to make the two hours well spent. But there is so much more there. If you watch closely, you'll notice that the crew is made up of men of all ages, from young boys, young men, to old seasoned sailors. And there are many scenes where each man, no matter his age, is being trained by a man older than him. The young boys and young sailors are taught and trained by the older sailors, and as they grow in knowledge, they are given tasks that initiate them into their next level of service as sailors. They then begin to teach those younger than them as they continue to be taught by the older men. From the captain on down, this cycle continues down to the youngest on board. It is a timeless, and powerful way of raising boys to become men. They are cared for, taught, and pushed to pull their weight on board as they mature into men. This has such weight to it, and it is so easily missed in the wake of entertainment.I began to be able to put words to what I was feeling when I started staying present with what rose in my heart when watching these movies. Movies like Braveheart, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Titanic, Cinderella Man -movies that were my favorites for so long, but that I couldn't pinpoint the deepest reasons why- ...they hold so many of the deepest desires of my heart within their chapters. Desires to be fathered, to feel a strong weight as a man, to battle as a man under a good king, to have a purpose and a place in a great story, to love a woman well and to be known, and loved, by her as well. It's all there, waiting to be found. Hidden beneath the surface.
My soul is so nourished by what I find in these stories when I look with the eyes of the heart.
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